FACTPILE IS BACK!!!
CLICK HERE TO SEE FOR YOURSELF
Take a Tour of the Admin's Mancave

Not Fanfiction, but we don't have an appropriate section

Share your literary skills with other Factpilers

Moderator: Forum Moderators

Re: Not Fanfiction, but we don't have an appropriate section

Postby LadyRamkin » Sat Apr 04, 2015 8:00 am

OriginalA wrote:Would you mind if I went over it very closely, pointing out every tiny error that I can find, in what I would hope to be some constructive proof reading and maybe offer some word choice considerations? I was going to go ahead and do that, but I realized that the way I go about that is pretty mechanical. I didn't want to injury your self-confidence with dispassionate corrections and suggestions. I figured asking for permission directly would be better than assuming and taking initiative.

Go for it! Every little helps, right.
-
You said you were going to post some of your own fiction?
Are you going to do that on this thread... forum.... Post?..... thing... Or are you going to make a separate one?
-
EDIT: TOPIC, the word i was looking for was topic.
"That is a very graphic analogy which aids understanding wonderfully while being, strictly speaking, wrong in every possible way"
User avatar
LadyRamkin
Freak On A Leash
 
Posts: 249
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 6:24 pm

Re: Not Fanfiction, but we don't have an appropriate section

Postby LadyRamkin » Sat Apr 04, 2015 8:16 am

I hope you post more. I'm interested in seeing how these characters got here, what they are saving the world from, and what happens to that new soul.

-
I mean... i COULD just tell you... but then that kind of detracts from the whole thing... and some of the explanations are a bit.... weird.... But those last two points specifically, would require me to write..... chapters.... and chapters.... and chapters...... For a full understanding.... and then there is the fact that i would have to find some other way of explaining because the characters that are generally involved in the arc don't really have a full understanding themselves......
-
See, I think I made my while story a bit too complicated/convoluted. And when i think about writing it, all i can think about is how LONG it will take... 1000 word scenes are easy, really. I have to walk the dogs every day/every other day, gives me a whole hour to think about a single scene in detail. Which is how that particular passage got written.
"That is a very graphic analogy which aids understanding wonderfully while being, strictly speaking, wrong in every possible way"
User avatar
LadyRamkin
Freak On A Leash
 
Posts: 249
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 6:24 pm

Re: Not Fanfiction, but we don't have an appropriate section

Postby OriginalA » Sat Apr 04, 2015 10:39 am

Cool. I'll get on that proof reading after work today.

And I did say I was going to post something. I wrote it up last night and tried to post it in a new topic, but then the internet ate the entire post because apparently I had been logged out on a separate tab on the 'Topia. I wasn't too happy about that, but I didn't think that rewriting it while angry about would be very constructive so I'm go to try again tonight. I'm still a bit miffed because I know it isn't going to turn out the same way it did previously. Hopefully it will be better this time though.

I know what you mean about making your story too complicated. In my head, my favorite, as well as most developed, part of my story is the second major arc of a specific area in my world. But in order to get there and have it make sense without a lot of awkward introductions means at least one short (read: poorly developed) arc for at least two other casts and crew, as well as one major arc for the cast that shares that specific area of the world. ... I'm actually looking forward to it.

And yeah, don't just tell me. That would spoil the fun! ... I really should write down an outline for my own stuff though. That would help.
OriginalA
I Am the Highway
 
Posts: 563
Joined: Mon Oct 26, 2009 12:12 am

Re: Not Fanfiction, but we don't have an appropriate section

Postby LadyRamkin » Sat Apr 04, 2015 10:49 am

OriginalA wrote:In my head, my favorite, as well as most developed, part of my story is the second major arc of a specific area in my world. But in order to get there and have it make sense without a lot of awkward introductions means at least one short (read: poorly developed) arc for at least two other casts and crew, as well as one major arc for the cast that shares that specific area of the world.

I know that feeling
-
I have all of the general rules laid out for the magic, in all of its varieties, i have several characters planned as well as possible potential characters, and i am still toying with the idea of making the second major arc kind of final fantasy esque steam punky or just stick with general ye olde fantasy themes. I have the beginning and ends completely sorted for each major arc and some major land mark events, but what i am having problems with is connecting everything in to a single narrative. and resigning myself to the fact that i will never actually be able to express large portions of the universe because they don't factor into my main characters first hand experience.
-
If you do make a new topic could you post a link here?
"That is a very graphic analogy which aids understanding wonderfully while being, strictly speaking, wrong in every possible way"
User avatar
LadyRamkin
Freak On A Leash
 
Posts: 249
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 6:24 pm

Re: Not Fanfiction, but we don't have an appropriate section

Postby LadyRamkin » Thu Apr 09, 2015 3:16 am

So, I am already planning out another... segment? But I am hesitant to write anything without feedback from the first thing.
"That is a very graphic analogy which aids understanding wonderfully while being, strictly speaking, wrong in every possible way"
User avatar
LadyRamkin
Freak On A Leash
 
Posts: 249
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 6:24 pm

Re: Not Fanfiction, but we don't have an appropriate section

Postby Soulerous » Fri Apr 10, 2015 11:35 am

OriginalA comes and goes, like a shadow on the wind. Your feedback may appear when you least expect it.
User avatar
Soulerous
Labled Incurable
 
Posts: 1237
Joined: Sat Mar 23, 2013 1:23 am

Re: Not Fanfiction, but we don't have an appropriate section

Postby LadyRamkin » Thu Jul 02, 2015 1:42 pm

Okay, strange question, Does anybody know of any designs for an armoured, skin-tight, full-body jumpsuit?
"That is a very graphic analogy which aids understanding wonderfully while being, strictly speaking, wrong in every possible way"
User avatar
LadyRamkin
Freak On A Leash
 
Posts: 249
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 6:24 pm

Re: Not Fanfiction, but we don't have an appropriate section

Postby LadyRamkin » Mon Jul 27, 2015 10:13 pm

If i was allowed to make a zelda game...

prologue

The man approached the door. He was so close, he could feel it. He took a long deep breath, and then he kicked the door down, Tearing it's iron hinges out of the stone work of the frame. The heavy oak door slammed into the floor and skidded for several feet before coming to a stop. The man stepped into the room, a large stone chamber, poorly lit by the few torches in the brackets on the walls. In the room were three hooded figures, all of them were backing away from door that now lay before them. The middle figure shouted at him in a female voice full of false confidence
"How did you find us?"
In answer, the man simply raised his right hand, showing the hooded figures the two glowing triangles that were branded upon it. The left figure gasped, then said in a voice equal parts fear and anger
"What have you done to the princess?"
This voice was also female. The man simply laughed and then he rushed forward so fast that he was a blur, he grabbed the middle figure by the throat and lifted four feet off the ground, as easily as a child would lift a toy, as he did her hood fell back, revealing her face. She had dark tanned skin, and long flowing hair that was a deep scarlet.
The man smiled
"oracle Din I presume" The figure on the left let out a small squeal and fell backwards. The figure on the right, shouted very angrily
"Put my sister down!" She began pummelling her fists into the mans side. He could barely feel it, it was like being attacked by a fly. He found the comparison amusing, he had always thought them insects, and now they were just as helpless. He dropped Din who collapsed on the floor and began coughing and heaving, trying to breath. He ignored the figure still hitting him and looked at the one that had fallen.
"Where is it?" He said it in a calm quite voice, but it was filled with so much hate and malice, that the fallen figure simple backed away as fast as possible. He laughed again crawling on the ground as insects should.
""Where is the third piece?" Din began to stand, still coughing and wheezing she managed to say
"We will never tell you" This made the man furious, 'how could insects such as these even think to defy him?' He casually swatted at the figure of the right, whom was still hitting him catching them in the chest with the back of his hand. The figure was lifted clean off the floor and thrown right across the room where they slammed with a sickening crack into the stone wall, they stayed there for a moment upright and leaning against it and then they began to slide down it, leaving a smear of blood as they went. As they fell their hood came down Revealing the face of another woman with paler skin and deep blue hair, Oracle Nayru. That made the other fallen figure Oracle Farore.
The man paused to watch Nayru for a moment, she was probably dead, or at least would be very soon he would have to get what he needed from the other two. He began to turn away but as he did a bright light filled the dank chamber, he looked again and Nayru was still crumpled on the floor but she was giving out a strange light that was moistly white but filled with glittering glowering specks that shifted through all the colours of the rainbow. Din was on her knees, her eyes filled with tears looking at Nayru.
"You fool, you have no idea what you have done" And then in a strange rippling effect that was coming out of Nayru and slowly expanding, The world began to lose it colour, turning black and white, and then simply disappearing as though evaporating away. When the effect reach the man it hit a kind of bubble made of golden light, which it ignored and moved around. The man watched in horrified fascination as the three women disappeared and then the room, and then the cave and so on, until there was nothing left. Just himself alone, floating in the emptiness. He did not know how long he floated there, it could have been a second or a thousand years, but suddenly there was what felt like an explosion, which shook him to his bone, and suddenly he was not floating in white, but what looked like the night sky, pitch black in all direction with twinkling lights all around. The man paused, and took his bearings, he focused on the nearest of the lights that was about 3 feet away. To his surprise as he focused on it, it began to move towards him, when it reached his protective bubble it stopped. He examined and realised that it was not a light, but a small sphere covered in moving images as he watched the images he realised he was watching what had just happened in that room with the oracles, He focused on another one and pulled it towards him, this one showed what had happened before he had arrived, his battle with the Hylian army and his invasion of the castle. Another showed his battle with Zelda. He focused on another one, this one much farther away when it finally arrived he examined it too, this one was a scene involving some kind of rock monster he had never seen before, it was in a large cave dancing to a tune that was being played by a young boy clothed in green, whom he had also never seen before.
"So they do not all concern myself then..." It had been an absentminded remark, made under his breath, and to his surprise he got a response.
"Of course they are not, fool. These lights represent time, All of time, you shattered it."
The man turned, the voice had seemed to come from behind him, but there was nobody there.
"No, I am not behind you, I am a part of you, or more accurately YOU are a part of ME, I am Demise and we have a lot of work to do"
- - -
- -
-
- -
- - -
The three stirred.
The first spoke, its voice was the rumble of worlds, the infinity of space, the order in chaos
"It is broken"
The second spoke, Its voice was the inevitability of time, the Constance of gravity, the meaning of truth.
"It has been shattered"
The third spoke, Its voice was joy of youth, the passion of love, the sorrow of loss.
"It must be fixed"
The first voice was now full of a rage so vast it made stars tremble
"It has been shaped anew"
The second voice was now full of more outrage than there were seconds.
"It has been corrupted"
The third voice intoned, calm as ever
"We must choose"
The first voice, brimming with fury announced
"There are none"
The second voice now etched with sadness deep enough to swallow oceans
"They have been taken"
The third voice simply repeated in its ever calm tone
"We must choose"
"We must choose"
Agreed the first and second voices
There was a pause Which the first voice filled with
"There are none"
Another pause and the second voice said
"we will make one"
- - -
- -
-
- -
- - -

Far, far away in a long forgotten meadow a young boy garbed in green began to stir and awaken from his sleep. Branded upon his left hand was a glowing triangle.




-
-
I wrote this at 3AM, with little to no actual forethought or planning, so it it's bad, sue me.
I also have no intention of like... writing this.... I have like 4 other scenes that i might do, but not the whole thing, no F'in way.
"That is a very graphic analogy which aids understanding wonderfully while being, strictly speaking, wrong in every possible way"
User avatar
LadyRamkin
Freak On A Leash
 
Posts: 249
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 6:24 pm

Previous

Return to Articles

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests